THE SOUP IS COLD AND THERE'S TOO MUCH SALT
Recently comedian Sebastian Maniscalco did a bit about Jews not enjoying eating out at restaurants and well he's 100% accurate.
Since let's say the 1950s, the modern tribe has been avoiding cooking, especially on Sundays. This goes back to living in condense spaces like New York City and having only so much space to prepare meals. Which is why they welcomed the luxury of hitting a main thoroughfare to dine at a delicatessen, pizza shop, hot dog stand, Chinese restaurant, etc. Also, the prices for food were most likely reasonable.
I'll stop the history lesson there, but anyone can tell you the anxiety/insanity of modern Jews going out to a restaurant. Think about how many times you've been out to dinner with family and the experience being flat out cringe worthy. You end the meal wanting to call another family member or a friend to discuss how it went. Sort of like an analytical digestif for your palate.
Ya see I'm going to be real and say that my tribe doesn't enter a dinning establishing as a patron, but the combination of a NY Times restaurant critic/health inspector/local mayor /seasoned chef/former restaurant manager.
We enter The Cheesecake Factory and act like the next 45-60 minutes should feel like a 12 course meal at Jean-Georges.
Now if there's a wait, that's fine, but will be touching base with the hostess every 5-10 minutes, we'll point out when there's an open table and if we feel another party got ahead of us, we'll make a scene.
Once the buzzer has gone off and you are seated, the expectation is that your waitstaff will approach the table within 3 minutes followed by bread and water within 7 minutes.
Now if this is a full on family outing (5 or more people), expect a deliberation/discussion similar to a world peace deal. What's everyone having? Should you be eating that? Is that vegan? Would you want to split dishes? Should we get apps? Didn't you already have dairy earlier? Is that heavy? Is that greasy? Are we ordering too much? At this point some elder member of the family (usually the one paying) puts their foot down and decides what they are ordering for the whole table.
As the food is being prepared the analyzation of everything continues. Who's at this restaurant? Look at that person's outfit and how much plastic surgery is on their face?. It's too cold, it's too hot. The music is a little too to loud. Why is everyone on their phone?
The food comes out and it's inspected like an episode of Top Chef as if everyone at the table went to culinary school. If it's all goes well, everyone simply eats and enjoys the moment, BUT!!!!!!!!!!
I think this salmon is a bit undercooked, I think this steak is overcooked, could I get a side of avocado, is that extra? This is too spicy and I asked for just a pinch of spice. Are there free refills? Can I get two small plates and two to go boxes, we are trying to portion control our meals.
Can we get the check? No we don't need dessert, we have gluten free non-dairy sugar free ice cream at home. I see there's a charge for avocado, was that really extra? I think you should offer more vegan options
Oy vey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Recently comedian Sebastian Maniscalco did a bit about Jews not enjoying eating out at restaurants and well he's 100% accurate.
Since let's say the 1950s, the modern tribe has been avoiding cooking, especially on Sundays. This goes back to living in condense spaces like New York City and having only so much space to prepare meals. Which is why they welcomed the luxury of hitting a main thoroughfare to dine at a delicatessen, pizza shop, hot dog stand, Chinese restaurant, etc. Also, the prices for food were most likely reasonable.
I'll stop the history lesson there, but anyone can tell you the anxiety/insanity of modern Jews going out to a restaurant. Think about how many times you've been out to dinner with family and the experience being flat out cringe worthy. You end the meal wanting to call another family member or a friend to discuss how it went. Sort of like an analytical digestif for your palate.
Ya see I'm going to be real and say that my tribe doesn't enter a dinning establishing as a patron, but the combination of a NY Times restaurant critic/health inspector/local mayor /seasoned chef/former restaurant manager.
We enter The Cheesecake Factory and act like the next 45-60 minutes should feel like a 12 course meal at Jean-Georges.
Now if there's a wait, that's fine, but will be touching base with the hostess every 5-10 minutes, we'll point out when there's an open table and if we feel another party got ahead of us, we'll make a scene.
Once the buzzer has gone off and you are seated, the expectation is that your waitstaff will approach the table within 3 minutes followed by bread and water within 7 minutes.
Now if this is a full on family outing (5 or more people), expect a deliberation/discussion similar to a world peace deal. What's everyone having? Should you be eating that? Is that vegan? Would you want to split dishes? Should we get apps? Didn't you already have dairy earlier? Is that heavy? Is that greasy? Are we ordering too much? At this point some elder member of the family (usually the one paying) puts their foot down and decides what they are ordering for the whole table.
As the food is being prepared the analyzation of everything continues. Who's at this restaurant? Look at that person's outfit and how much plastic surgery is on their face?. It's too cold, it's too hot. The music is a little too to loud. Why is everyone on their phone?
The food comes out and it's inspected like an episode of Top Chef as if everyone at the table went to culinary school. If it's all goes well, everyone simply eats and enjoys the moment, BUT!!!!!!!!!!
I think this salmon is a bit undercooked, I think this steak is overcooked, could I get a side of avocado, is that extra? This is too spicy and I asked for just a pinch of spice. Are there free refills? Can I get two small plates and two to go boxes, we are trying to portion control our meals.
Can we get the check? No we don't need dessert, we have gluten free non-dairy sugar free ice cream at home. I see there's a charge for avocado, was that really extra? I think you should offer more vegan options
Oy vey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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